The Secret I Keep
by Starinity
Summary: Heavy prices are to be paid for stupid mistakes. When confronted with the choice of losing either her reputation or the traitor she loves, she finds herself in conflict. Isn't there a happy ending choice? SasuSaku
1. Chapter 1

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iShinee:

_Yet another story, but this time, I actually have a plan. Hoorah! So you can look forward to regular updates every few weeks (Hopefully no more than a month)._

_The reasons why I deleted _"Master and Maid"_ and _"The Secret Garden"_ was because I realised I had jumped right in, and hadn't really thought about where it'd go after Chapter One. This time, I also used pictures. Courtesy of Nami86, go check out her work. (They're a little naughty, but who doesn't like naughty SasuSaku?)_

_Enjoy!_

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**The Secret I Keep**

**Chapter One: Mission Start**

Winter had come early to Konoha, but even then, the weather didn't vary by much. Only maybe a slight breeze or a light shower would disturb the clear skies. Five of these winters had passed, since his departure.

For a while, when Shikamaru left with Naruto, Neji, Choji and Kiba, I had stood foolishly by the gates of Konoha everyday, in hope that I could see Sasuke walk back, in the cool attitude that he always kept. Lee had waited with me, day by day while he recovered from his ordeal of the Chuunin Exams.

Looking back on myself then, I would have to admit, I was annoying. Those words I'll never forget, "You're annoying" weren't insults, but the harsh, but honest truth.

Training with Tsunade-sama has radically made me stronger, but when Naruto had come back from his training with Jiraiya, I felt almost as if my training had no worth. Naruto had grown up, physically, mentally and emotionally.

"Forehead girl!"

I closed my eyes, smirking. That familiar high voice rang through my ears.

"Ino-pig." I whispered.

I guess the relationship between me and Ino could be described by the word 'rivals'. But to tell you the truth, it was far from that. It was a love-hate friendship, nurtured by our 'love' for Sasuke and our competitive spirits.

"Are you going to the onsen later today?" Ino asked, grinning in the devilish way she always does.

"And be spied on by Jiraiya and Naruto?"

And it struck me. It had always been a habit. I clasped my hand to my mouth and realised; there would be no ero-sennin to spy on us anymore.

* * *

Tsunade rubbed her cheek, trying to get the ink smudge off her face before Shizune came in. Scrolls and scrolls lay on the desk, varying from genin lists to the list of Missing-nin. The Bingo book was the subject today, opened at a particular page.

"Uchiha..."

What was left of the Uchiha clan was marked inside that book. Uchiha Itachi, member of the Akatsuki and Uchiha Sasuke.

Mission after mission failed, hope was dimming as each team returned, heads down in shame. It was time for one last run, before they gave up on him for good.

"Tsunade-sama!" Shizune dropped the scrolls she was carrying, "You fell asleep again!?"

"I need to see Uzumaki Naruto, Haruno Sakura, Hyuuga Neji and Rock Lee."

* * *

Tenten panted as she leaned against her hand resting on the tree.

"You're getting better. But that chakra point is still off." Neji said, his eyes closed.

He was sitting beneath a straw dummy. Unlike the other dummies they used to train with, these had no targets.

"I'll... get... there..."

Neji had taken to teaching Tenten where the main chakra points were, and with Lee's expertise of the human body, she was learning quickly.

"Neji! Tsunade-sama wants to see us!" Lee yelled euphorically as he emerged out of a nearby bush, unscathed, despite a vigorous 200 laps around Konoha.

Neji sighed. _Yet another mission. _His long hair falling over his shoulder.

Tenten sensed Neji's reluctance to go and accept another mission. Neji had been plagued with missions ever since he's advanced to Jonin, and has even done a few ANBU missions too. She reached out a hand to hold his and gave it a light squeeze.

He saw the smile of reassurance on her face. She had so much faith in him and she had trusted him with her life on several occasions.

"I'll be right back."

* * *

"Sakura-chhhyannn!" Naruto said in a sing song voice. Naruto's cheesy smile could only be surpassed by Lee or Gai-sensei.

Ugh, I really hated it when he did that. I thought he would have stopped calling me "Sakura-chan" since he's seeing Hinata.

"Tsunade-baa-sama wants to see us. Something about a new mission, so let's GO!!"

Impatient as ever.

I was mildly surprised to see Lee and Neji. Lee was in a calm state, as if ready to take on anything that Tsunade hurled at him. Neji, however, looked a bit annoyed. She knew that he was dating Tenten, and because he had been on so many missions, he couldn't spend much time with her. Tenten had recently confided in her when they were at the onsen together; out of the 57 nights they had been seeing each other, she had spent 48 sleeping in an empty bed. I knew how it was, to sleep in an empty bed, but I had never been able to share such a bed with anyone else. Neji doesn't know this, men are oblivious to such detail (which was really quite ironic, since Neji is all about detail). All he knows is that he hasn't been spending as much time like some others did.

"You may think this is a mission you've attempted before." Tsunade began and I snapped out of my thoughts.

My heart pounded abnormally hard against my ribs. I felt a sudden sinking feeling in my stomach, and from intuition, I dreaded the mission. I could even sense Naruto's uneasiness. Neji and Lee looked suspiciously at Tsunade, as if an angry boil had suddenly erupted on her face.

"Your mission is, Uchiha Sasuke."

A let a sharp intake of breath. Uchiha... Sasuke...his hadn't been mentioned in ... at least two years. Ever since our encounter as the new Team 7 with Sasuke, Naruto hadn't mentioned anything to me or Kakashi.

Jiraiya, he couldn't talk to. He had been killed during his battle with Pein.

Naruto's face seemed to lighten up slightly. It would be another chance to make his 'promise of a lifetime' come true.

"Don't look so happy yet. There's nothing happy about this mission." Tsunade had instantly shot down the small glimmer of hope that Naruto held.

Tsunade paused and waited for Naruto to fully prepare for what type of mission she had for them. "Uchiha Sasuke's name is down on the Bingo Book."

Oh god. The Bingo Book. It was-

"For assassination."

* * *

I remember my insides freezing, starting from my core and spreading. My brain felt numb. I didn't know what to think. Mechanically, I turned my head to look at Naruto. I could see the shock clearly on his face, like a grey cloud in the blue sky.

_Assassination?_

I knew it was going to be hard on Naruto. His promise was to bring Sasuke back to Konoha, not to assassinate him.

"Hai, Tsunade-sama." Naruto and I replied, along with Neji and Lee. My heart felt heavy, as if a great boulder had dropped on it, crushing it and everything I held in my heart.

* * *

I kneeled on the floor in my room, my back pack sitting on my thighs. It would be a long mission. When I had finished packing my supplies, I threw my coat around my shoulders clasping it at the front.

I was just about to leave when something caught my eye. The photo frame sitting on my desk, behind the piles and piles of medical books and scrolls. I picked it up and dusted off the glass with my gloved hands. Our Team 7 picture.

The annoyed look that the boys were sending each other when the photo was taken made me wish that I had never participated in the first round of Chuunin Exams. If I had been stupid enough to believe the genjutsu, perhaps, Sasuke would be here now.

I brushed off the thought as I heard Naruto's impatient voice outside.

Tenten and Hinata walked us to the Village gates. Tenten was kind enough to give Neji one last kiss, on the cheek, to spare us the embarrassment. Hinata was blushing like mad when Tenten did that; she, no doubt, was very uncomfortable with PDAs (Public Displays of Affection).

"YOOSH! LET'S GO AND USE OUR YOUTHFULNESS TO ASSA- I MEAN, BRING SASUKE BACK!" Lee almost let it slip.

We had decided to keep it between us that our mission was not just to find Sasuke and bring him back. We were to kill him, and then bring his body back, if it would allow us.

"Anou... Naruto-kun?" Hinata said shyly.

I didn't understand how Hinata could be so shy around Naruto, even if they'd been going out for at least eight months.

"Eh?"

Hinata quickly stood on her tip toes, and brushed her lips on Naruto's lips. And ran off, her face bright red.

Naruto smiled gently.

"We should go now, it'll take us some time to find where Sasuke is."

Mission: START!

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_**iShinee:**__ Please review. I thought it was rather good :D _

_Also, if it's OOC tell me please? I'm not used to writing Naruto characters._

_Flames welcome. (They boost review count)_


	2. Chapter 2

iShinee: Thanks for all the great reviews

_**iShinee:**__ Thanks for the adds. That makes me happy. What would make me happier is if EVERYONE reviewed. pretty please?_

_Enjoy_

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**The Secret I Keep**

**Chapter Two: The Way to Sasuke**

After a (long) while of leaping through the trees, I realised that, we had no idea of where we were going. Yes, Neji had extended the range of his Byakugan from a pitiful 50 metres to an extensive 800 metres. But this would prove quite useless if we didn't know where we were going.

"... Where are we headed to?" I asked.

"Didn't you listen, Sakura? We're going to Otogakgure. We're starting at Orochimaru's base." Neji supplied.

Maybe they had touched on the topic, but I think I was thinking about other things. Something was still weighing heavy in my chest. It felt like a burden, getting heavier and heavier as I left Konoha behind, and edged closer to Sasuke.

I almost wished Shikamaru was here. His knack for quick thinking and problem solving would have been useful, but he was in Sunagakure, visiting Temari.

His relationship with Temari was rather strange. All of us, being the former Rookie Nine along with Lee's team, knew that they were seeing each other, in fact, when they were both in Konoha or Suna, they'd be together, like a couple would be. When we asked them about it, they'd deny it, and say they were on business. Shikamaru called her 'mendokse' while Temari would just look away, indifferent but I could see the slight blush underneath her cheeks.

Kakashi-sensei wasn't with us either. He tended to spend more time with Anko, rather than his duties as a jounin. If you know what I mean.

Nearly every one of the females I knew, had someone special in their lives. Even Ino-pig had someone. Choji! She had tried to persuade him to go on a diet; I remember the argument vividly.

* * *

"_Choji! If you keep eating, you'll explode!" Ino stood up as she clapped her hands on the table. _

_The Rookie Nine had decided to go out and eat in celebration of us all becoming Chuunin; Naruto had (finally, may I add) passed his exams. By that time, not only Neji was Jounin, but Shikamaru and Lee had advanced too. Choji demanded that we ate Korean barbeque. _

"_I need this energy in my jutsu, Ino." Choji mumbled as he shoved another piece of meat into his mouth._

"_You need to go on a diet! If you lose some weight, you might look better! I'll go on the diet with you!"_

"_Since when did you care about how I look?"_

_We sniggered. Shikamaru's witty comments had started to rub off onto Choji._

"_If you don't lose weight... I'll... I'll ignore you! I won't talk to you, I won't even look at you! Oh, wait! I have a better one, I'll BREAK UP WITH YOU!" she said somewhat triumphant, yet lacking confidence as she pounced on the statement._

_We all sweat dropped. _

"_Ino." Choji put down his chopsticks, and we knew he was serious. "I don't care how 'stacked' you are, all I know is, you're mine." he said._

_Ino's face had gone rather pink._

* * *

When I had returned from my memory, I saw that the sun was nearly setting. We could cut a day off our journey if we kept travelling.

"What are we doing?" I asked as the boys started to unload their packs.

"We're going to be resting now." Lee said, "We need to get plenty of sleep to maintain our youthfulness!"

"That's not the reason Lee, we're staying because if we get to Orochimaru's base at night, it'll be a better time to ambush." Neji said as he took out a sleeping bag.

He was thinking almost like Shikamaru.

"Do you even know where his base is, dattebayo?" Naruto said, squinting his eyes at Neji.

Neji pulled a scroll out of the belt on his pants and handed it to Naruto. He undid the string around it and laid it out. It was a map of a section of the world map. Specifically Konoha and Otogakure. The Land of Fire was very detailed, whereas the Land of Sound had only a few places marked in, due to the very little exploration that was conducted, and that Otogakure was a relatively new country.

From what Tsunade-shishou told us, Otogakure was founded by Orochimaru himself, for his human experiments, therefore in theory, his base shouldn't be too hard to find. But like I said, it was just a theory.

* * *

The crackles of the fire kept the darkness at bay. The others were asleep, soundly too by Naruto's snores. I sat up against the nearest tree.

I was dreading the day we'd come face to face with Sasuke. How much had he grown by now? The camp fire reminded of his signature jutsu, _Katon: Gokakyuu no Jutsu_. The fire was so warm, yet, the person who released the jutsu... his heart was ice cold... I...

--

"Sakura-chan?"

"Sakura-san?"

"Sakura?"

Three voices were rattling in my head, telling me to wake up, time to leave the world of dreams behind for at least another day.

But the dream was so very wonderful. I dreamt of Sasuke. And for some reason, he was almost caring, as if he was sorry for all the pain. Sorry for all the trouble he caused. I knew it would never happen, but I wanted to live it a little longer so I squeezed my eyes tightly. Their voices kept warping the dream, ending it in a twister of darkness.

I didn't say a word as I sat up.

"Did you get much sleep?"

"No." I said truthfully. My eyes felt puffy, and it was the first time in a long time that I hadn't gotten any sleep.

I wouldn't let my lack of rest drag down the rest of the team though.

It was another day of flying through the trees. We were travelling at such a speed that it felt like we were being warped somewhere, through a tunnel of deep green and speckles of brown. Almost like a grotesque mix of slime and chocolate chips. We were being warped closer and closer to Sasuke.

I had an intuitive feeling that Sasuke was in one location, he wasn't moving around.

What had driven him to leave Konoha?

I had often questioned myself; why?

Was it a thirst for power?

Yes. And no.

He wanted power not for himself, but for his revenge. To kill Uchiha Itachi.

* * *

Since Orochimaru gave him the Cursed Seal of Heaven, I realise Sasuke started to crave power then. I should have known then, that one day he'd leave us. But I didn't listen to myself. I chose to be ignorant, and my ignorance has driven him away.

I saw a distant light, which meant we were at a town or an open space. It was a small town, a small farming village. Patchwork quilts of land, all of which had different crop were strewn across the horizon.

The four of us arrived at an inn, small and cozy. By the looks of the interior, not many visitors come by, a few a month at the most, shinobi who are carrying out other missions.

"Well, the three of us will take one room, you take the other." Neji said as we headed upstairs.

"Hai."

* * *

I sat cross legged on the bed, a sealed scroll sitting in front of me. Tsunade-shishou gave it to me discretely before we left. She had whispered in my ear, "Open it when no one else is watching."

The scroll sat there, sealed. All I had to do was use the release jutsu, and its secrets would come pouring out.

I felt like I was Pandora, about to open the box of evil. Only Tsunade-shishou knew the contents. It could be good or bad.

I arranged my hands into the seal. "Kai!"

The seal gave a poof and the scroll was slightly open. I held the end of the scroll and pulled it out slowly, unravelling the secrets.

It was some sort of scroll for a jutsu. There was a description on the edge.

_Sealing away the soul,_

_To be lost in all eternity._

_Comes at the expense_

_of the ill wisher._

_For ten years less they'll have to live,_

_if they wish to destroy a soul._

It was a jutsu for instant death, but the jutsu required time. It was like no other jutsu I had ever seen. The amount of chakra that was required was insane, the amount of concentration was almost impossible.

But, using this jutsu, I could become Death itself.

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_**iShinee:**__ Another long chapter for you all, I managed to squeeze around 1,500 words for you all. See how much I love you?_

_Show me that this story isn't a waste of time. Review!_


	3. Chapter 3

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iShinee:

_WAHAHA! Thank you all for your reviews. Thank you all for your adds. I'm glad you all like my works. The last chapter was actually very enjoyable to write. Hehe._

_Arigatou!_

**Luka1Sakura: **Crazy Good? Or Crazy Bad? oO

**cute0anime0addict:** Thank you, thank you, I think it was very cool too (teehee). Yes, become Death.

**Babyboo294:** Thank you.

**EyesWideClosed:** I'm glad. Will she use it? X3

**xXxMoonBlossomxXx:** If you use the jutsu, your lifespan will decrease by ten years. Yes and BOOM dead. Life is cruel. And so am I.

_By the way, WHY are there SO MANY hits, and NOT many REVIEWS? _

_REVIEW DAMMIT. REVIEEEWW!_

_By the way, if you like Beyblade... you'll be glad to know that I'm planning to write a new story, so check out my profile to see more! Hoorah!_

_Enjoy_

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**The Secret I Keep**

**Chapter Three: Hide and Seek**

After a quick breakfast, we set out again into yet another forest. I could feel a strange sinking feeling in my gut; it was as if it were a warning.

The jutsu was still rolling around in my mind. If I were to use it... I can't use any of my chakra that day... and it requires at least 15 minutes to perform, and on top of that, I have to tell the others. Maybe I won't use that jutsu. But... can we still defeat him without it?

"Sakura!" Lee's sharp voice shot through all my thoughts and I landed in a bush.

"What?"

"Stay down." Neji said lowly, his Byakugan was activated. "We've found it."

I stuck my head out the bush but the only thing I saw was more bush.

"I can't see a thing." and realised immediately after.

"I can see it with my Byakugan." Neji still hadn't taken his eyes off the bush. "It's about 700 metres away."

"LET'S GO, DATTEBAYO!" Naruto lunged forward, only to be slung back by Lee.

"Wait, Naruto-kun."

I looked over at the three boys. The look of determination on their faces intimidated me.

What if I couldn't do it? What if I failed?

My breath quickened and I felt hollow.

"It's okay, Sakura-san." said Lee in a soothing voice, "We'll finish the mission."

What if we didn't?

"I have to tell you guys something." I said quietly. Even my own voice sounded scared to me.

* * *

They all stared at me mutely.

I slowly pulled out a scroll from my pouch and laid it gently on the grass. I didn't say anymore, but I stared down into the bush, avoiding any confused glances.

Neji picked up the scroll and opened the seal. As he unrolled it, I saw the entire scene unfold in my mind's eye.

"This is-!"

"The soul sealing jutsu. Instant death."

"..." Naruto couldn't say anything. I knew he was still in denial about the mission. I watched his reaction from the corner of my eye. He was shaking slightly.

"You have to use the jutsu."

"Neji!"

"We have no choice. What if we can't kill him? This jutsu requires time, chakra and concentration. And lots of it. Sakura must start performing the jutsu from the moment we start battle. It also has a lot of other requirements. Being within 100 metres from the target and that kind of thing. It might be our only nearly-fail safe plan."

I was 200 metres away from the entrance and all I could think about was how hard my heart was beating against my chest. My only mission, was to perform the jutsu.

Naruto had protested against the use of the forbidden jutsu. He didn't want Sasuke dead, no more than I did, and that I would have 10 years less to live.

Nothing about this mission felt good, but it had to be done.

* * *

We were all waiting for the signal from Lee. It was almost like a game of Hide and Seek, but only we knew the rules.

"Clear!" I heard the fuzzy voice from the headphones.

I could see blurry colours dart forward, deep into the darkness of Orochimaru's base.

It must have been a few good minutes of dashing down the endless corridors, snaking here and there. The dank and damp feel of the place sent prickles up my spine.

We hadn't been found yet.

I continued to run. It felt as if I was trying to get rid of a heavy weight off my back and if I stopped, it would be heavier and heavier. I wanted to keep running; I didn't care where my legs would carry me, I just wanted to run.

When my legs had come to a halt, I wondered, _'Why?'_

A strong intent made the hairs on my neck stand up. Only one person made the hairs on my neck stand up and-

"Sakura..." a voice said quietly, not quite a whisper. The deep voice froze me, I couldn't move.

I had been found.

"Sakura!" Naruto's voice suddenly rang amidst my thoughts. I heard the quick footsteps of two people. Both had come to an abrupt stop.

Slowly, little by little, I turned around. I saw his silhouette. His spiky hair still stood up the way it did five years ago, though he had grown since two years ago.

I was shaking in my ninja sandals. Naruto's face was still and numb. Lee, beside him, frowned.

"Sasuke-teme..." Naruto's head bowed down. His voice was filled with hate, determination and anger, emotions I couldn't channel towards Sasuke.

"Hn."

A man of many words he was!

I wanted so much to disappear and forget everything that had happened.

"This time... I'm not going to try and bring you back."

My eyes widened, my mouth fell slightly open.

"I'm will bring you back. Alive or not."

I knew he didn't mean the last sentence. Of course he didn't. We all knew that, even Sasuke did.

I could feel the smirk spread across his face. His trademark smirk seems like poison spreading through my mind. The more I try and rub it out, the more it spread and the more it hurts.

"Sakura! Now!"

But I couldn't move. Sasuke had turned to face me. His eyes looked as if they had been masked over, erasing the liveliness and shine they used to hold. But those blurred eyes penetrated deep.

I heard a little whirring sound. It was a vaguely familiar sound, when...

"Sharingan!"

His eyes had turned from the coal black to a deep crimson. Like blood. Those eyes that could see everything, copy everything to perfection made me still. I felt I was in another world. Naruto, Lee and Neji weren't there. We were alone. It wasn't a genjutsu, because I couldn't see it.

A blurry orange thing swiped at Sasuke.

"TEMMEEE!"

Bewildered, I whipped out the scroll and unrolled it as it was in the air. It landed on the ground with a soft thwack. I sat down as a bit my thumb, causing blood to rise to the surface. I ran my thumb across the scroll, dragging a brush stroke of blood across the paper. I slapped my hand in the middle of a seal mark and began to concentrate.

I had to keep my hand on the scroll. If it failed to remain in contact, then the jutsu will be broken. I chanted the poem in my head:

_Sealing away the soul,_

_To be lost in all eternity._

_Comes at the expense_

_of the ill wisher._

_For ten years less they'll have to live,_

_if they wish to destroy a soul._

I kept Sasuke's face in my mind's eye. Subconsciously I knew that the others were fighting, trying to give me time to perform the jutsu, but I couldn't hear the clash of swords and kunai, I couldn't hear Naruto's yell of "Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!". All I could hear was my own voice, repeating the same words over and over again.

A few minutes must have passed, and I felt weaker for it, like my body had suddenly become less agile and older. I felt my chakra being drained at an intense speed, like nothing I've ever felt before.

Suddenly, I felt my hand and attention fall away from the jutsu.

_Oh god. _

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_**iShinee:**__ Yay! Another chapter! I know it's shorter, but hopefully I'll make the next one longer. _

_You read, you review!_

_I want to know if this story is worthwhile or not. Because I'm being distracted from my homework._

_You like it, ja ne?_


	4. Chapter 4

_**iShinee:**__ Hmm.. I have 19 people who are on alert for this story, yet I only have 8 reviews for the chapter?!_

**Luka1Sakura:**_Crazy good. Hoorah! Heh heh heee...It makes me curious too!_

**EyesWideClosed:**_You'll soon find out, my friend, soon._

**lizzpercush:**_ I am a creepy person. That's why my stories are creepy. oO_

**Tip Of The Top Hat:** _You liked it, ne?_

**cute0anime0addict:** _Oops. My spell checker doesn't check if it makes sense And it always looks very similar so I don't pick up on it. GO SAKURA!_

**Xxnarutofan101xX:** oO

**Babyboo294:** _You'll find out this chapter, won't you?_

**MoonBlossom:** _Hehe, Yes I am very evil. Some more evilness in this chapter! Yes, stupid homework, tests and SACS. _

_Shame on the others for not reviewing!_

_By the way, if you like SasuSaku (otherwise you wouldn't be here), check out my one shot. _

_OOH! How would you guys feel about lemon next chapter? The summary DOES say 'future lemon' so I guess you guys would be okay with that? Make sure YOU have a say!_

_Grr. Review or I won't write. D:_

_Enjoy_

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**The Secret I Keep**

**Chapter Four: Hostage**

I felt my hand and my attention fall away from the scroll and jutsu.

_Oh god._

Something was squeezing my wrist tight. I opened my eyes and saw my team mates struggling to stand up. My arm was being twisted behind me and I felt a steady breath against the side of my head. I felt a sharp edge against my throat. My other arm was dangling uselessly by my side. I couldn't find the strength to lift it. I let out a gagging noise as the edge of the blade dug deeper.

"Let her go!" Naruto yelled out.

"Why?" I heard a voice behind me. It was extremely calm, but of course it was, everything was in his hands.

I tried channelling some chakra into my hand, but I couldn't, my chakra had almost been drained out. I felt a bit light headed.

"You should hurry up. She looks like she won't make it..."

"SHUT UP!"

I struggled to keep my eyes open, everything looked so blurry. I could only see blobs of colour

"Sakura!" Lee's yell kept me awake, but I was so tired.

I had to get out of this, quick. I gathered all my chakra up into my free hand and-

* * *

My eyelids were very heavy. I tried rubbing them, but my hands had been bound behind my back. When I managed to open my eyes, I could see only darkness still, and I realised I had been blind folded. My feet had been bound too.

My chakra wasn't fully recovered. I couldn't channel any of in to my hands. I felt a blanket laying on top my body, only covering up to my waist. I was like a fish out of water; the only thing I could do was roll around.

"Stop trashing around, you can't get anywhere." A cool voice echoed across the room.

I stopped wriggling. Somehow, that voice would always make me freeze up inside almost like the feeling you get when you drink an icy cold water on a hot day.

I felt him climb onto the futon and felt him lean across me. I turned away and buried my face in the blankets. His fingers touched my bare arm, and lingered there, before they swept down and tugged on the rope binding my wrists. The ropes fell away, cool air tickling my rope burnt wrists.

Now that my hands were untied, I could have easily pushed Sasuke away. But I didn't.

I felt the impact of his arms resting beside my head on the futon. With one hand, he lifted my head and the darkness was lifted.

I saw his handsome face, matured, but very much the same. I could see the stress in his eyes but also the look of temporary triumph. Those eyes, pure black like ebony could see all my thoughts, my dreams, my fears. Everything had felt like an illusion, a nightmare. I reached a hand up to touch his face. He didn't move away. I let my fingertips touch his cheek gently, before raising my other hand to hold his face in my hands. I pushed his hair away from his forehead. I wanted to make sure that it was real and not just a dream. He grabbed my wrist suddenly.

"I-!"

He didn't say a thing, but he silenced me by pushing his mouth on mine. My mind blanked out, the only thing I could think about was this kiss. I didn't know what to do. I felt his tongue probing against my lips. I opened my lips a tiny crack as an automatic response, but he seemed to think that it was a sign to keep probing _into _my mouth.

But it didn't matter.

I think I enjoyed it. It seemed a bit hazy. I let out a tiny mew, not intentionally, but Sasuke seemed to find it amusing. I heard a soft 'Hn' and I _tasted_ the smirk in my mouth.

Hearing the smirk dragged me down to reality. I broke the kiss by turning my head away.

I didn't want to look at him. His eyes made my own burn.

I felt his lips on my cheek, pressing gently. I felt the searing trail of those butterfly kisses and sharp nips across my neck and down to my collar bone.

I heard a zipping sound and cool air attack my chest.

"N-no..." I eeked out. "We can't... I can't... I..." I looked around.

One of my kunai was hanging out of my weapons pouch, resting next to the futon. I managed to wrestle my arm from under his body weight and reach toward it, my fingers brushing the tapes around the handle. My other hand was clamped tight on his upper arm, trying to push him away. I felt his hands gripping the flesh between my hips and my ribs, at the same time jerking down the zipper of my shirt with his other.

"I... I have to kill you!" I said, as a held on tightly to the kunai.

He stopped. He brushed my hair out of face and kept his hand on my forehead. "Fine."

The flush on my face hadn't disappeared. His surprisingly cool voice didn't make it any less hot.

"Kill me."

My eyes widened, but the look in his eyes was telling me he wasn't joking.

"But after you kill me, I want you to kiss my dead body."

My grip loosened on the kunai. I felt the all familiar stinging of the eyes, the kind you get just before you cry.

"Go on." he whispered as he grabbed my wrist. "Kill me." He held my hand so that the tip of the kunai pointed at his chest, right where his heart was.

My hand was shaking. I was on the point of hysteria. It was clear to me now why he made such a request. If I killed him, I would have to kiss his dead body... and immediately feel regret. It might seem selfish of him to do such a thing, but I realised that it was for my benefit too.

"Let me go... please? Let me go..." I sobbed. The tears were running freely now.

He leaned in closer, his hand sliding from the place on my forehead and now resting on my cheek.

"I've let go of you once. I'm not about to do it again."

"Wh--!"

Once again, he pounced on my lips before I could say anymore. But that kiss, it felt special. Like nothing I've ever felt. I felt his lips lift a bit, as if he was trying to break it. I leaned forward more and arched my back.

"Mmmph!"

When I broke away for air, he gave a satisfied 'hn'.

And at that moment, I knew I had fallen into a deep hole. One I could never escape from.

* * *

_**iShinee:**__ Tadaa _

_I want you ALL to review this time. I spend a lot of time on these chapters. That's NOTHING compared to a few seconds writing down something nice._

_Review!_

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	5. Chapter 5

_**iShinee:**__ Thank you all for reviewing! Makes me happy to see my inbox flooded with review alerts and favourite alerts!_

_Sorry for the kinda slow update. It would be nice if everyone reviewed _

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_Ooh! I found some absolutely wonderful stories. Check out_

Color Theory by BlueGreenApples

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* * *

**The Secret I Keep**

**Chapter Five: Trapped**

I had seen nothing of the rest of the base. There was no clock in the damned room to tell me how long I had been trapped here. So far into this mission, my sense of time wasn't working. I couldn't tell if it had been a week since Tsunade gave us the mission, or just a few hours ago.

The room I occupied had changed, I knew that for a fact. I was no longer sleeping on that lumpy futon. I had been moved (without knowing) to a bed. Lumpy, no, I couldn't complain, but the bed was hard indeed, and the thin mattress made to effort to make it comfortable.

I settle back into the bed, shifting to make myself vaguely comfortable. The thin blankets provided hardly any warmth; it was my body heat that kept me from freezing. I knew my body couldn't sustain the heat much longer. It was like a slowly dying fire, with no fuel to keep it alive. I had no energy; I hadn't eaten for a while.

I don't know how long ago it was, but I could still feel the searing imprints of his lips along the skin of my neck and shoulders. My lips still prickled of the kiss.

I had to get out of here.

Slowly, I slid my legs out from under the blanket. My feet were bare. Slowly, like a cat, I levered myself off the bed. The floor was cold. I looked for my nin-sandals. Nothing.

I padded on tip toe slowly toward the only light in the room. The gap beneath the door.

I kneeled beside it, and pressed my ear to it. I heard the patter of someone pacing outside. The uneven rhythm of their footfalls told me they were waiting for something or someone.

I crept back to the bed and curled up under the blanket, trying to keep what little heat my body could emit. I huddled in a tight ball, trying to keep the heat close, trying to keep from losing it to the endless cold darkness. My breathing became more laboured, heavier, like I was running out of oxygen.

Of course, he had left me to die. He had taken advantage of me again. Like the foolish girl I was. And still am. I thought I had changed. I thought a mission like this couldn't break my focus. But it was this mission that the past caught up, and I didn't know who I was.

Foolish foolish me. I should have killed him. Why did I hesitate? He couldn't make me kiss his dead body. He'd be dead then. So why didn't thrust that damned kunai into his chest? Then the mission would be done. Finished!

Why? Was my head not working then? Was my logic confused? And because of it, I am to die here.

* * *

With the creak of the opening of the door, I felt hope rush through my body. I didn't recognise it, but it was of a woman. Her lean figure showed clearly, and the unmistakeable aura of a ninja clouded around her.

"Here. Sasuke-kun told me to bring this for you." Her voice was spiked with annoyance.

I couldn't care less of the bowl of food the woman had bought. My attention was more focused on how she addressed Sasuke.

_Sasuke-kun?_

She left immediately after and I heard the clicking sound of a heavy lock.

Trapped again.

I wondered what Naruto, Lee and Neji were doing. Had they been locked away too? Or had they been set free? Were they fighting Sasuke? Were they even alive?

"Eat." A cool voice shattered my thoughts. I sat up on the bed, letting the blankets fall across my legs. He was back again. I was so lost in my thoughts I hadn't heard the door open, I didn't hear the footsteps stepping into the room, I didn't see the light kill off the darkness.

"Where are the others?" My own voice sounded raspy and dry.

"Eat." He repeated.

I was scared of his voice. The voice that sent a chill up my spine. The voice that made be bow down to his will. And he knew it.

Not taking my eyes off him, I walked slowly toward the bowl on the ground. I crouched, my fingertips touching the rim of the bowl. I picked it up and brought it close to my lips. I stopped.

I still couldn't trust him. It could all be a ploy to kill me. My eyes darted from the contents of the bowl to his eyes.

"I haven't poisoned it." He said, looking sideways. "Eat."

My hands were shaking. I tilted the bowl, and the contents surged into my mouth and down my throat. I swallowed and felt much better for it.

A pregnant pause fell between us. I did nothing but stare at his highlighted figure. He did nothing but avoid my gaze.

"Where are they?" I managed to whisper.

Not a word.

"Where are they?" I repeated, putting some more strength in my voice.

"They're safe."

It wasn't enough.

"Where are they?" The sting of tears burned my eyes. "Where?!"

"I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know?! They're here aren't they?!"

"No."

I had opened my mouth to retaliate, but realised I had nothing to say.

"They've gone back."

* * *

He walked past me but stopped just shy of the doorway. I prepared myself to be closed inside darkness, with no hope of light ever passing through again. I heard the click of the door closing, and the light being locked away.

I let out a deep sigh and I allowed myself to sob quietly in the darkness.

I felt so useless. I had let my team down. I had let my village down. Burning inside me was the guilt. Sasuke knew my weakness; that I would let my heart make decisions, and let emotions run free inside me. I hated him for it. But I hated myself because I let him get to me.

I let my knees shake and they buckled, my whole body shaking as I fell on my knees. I held my arms tight to my body, as the only comfort I had.

Suddenly, I felt hands grip my forearms tight. They pulled me back against their chest. The touch that only another human can give gave me comfort.

"You're annoying when you cry."

* * *

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	6. Chapter 6

Starinity: _This chapter is months overdue, and I'm sorry for that. At first it started out as a really huge writer's block, but school slowly ate up my life. I am overwhelmed how people still favourite and review this story._

_I am hoping that this story isn't the stereotypical story as pointed out by a reader. I actually had this story loosely planned months ago. _

_I thank you all for your lovely reviews. I hope this newest chapter will draw more readers._

_Enjoy!_

**The Secret I Keep**

**Chapter Six: Walking Away**

Five years ago, I would have given anything to have a moment like this. He held me tightly and I clawed his arms desperately. His face was buried in my hair. I matched his deep rhythmic breathing. My heart was hammering against my chest and I was sure he could feel it too. He breathed warmth into me. My body was slowly filling up with the warmth I had so sorely missed. I was afraid of losing him again. The tears wouldn't stop as much as I wanted them to.

I wanted to show him I was strong, or at least stronger than who I was before.

"Stop."

I was full of lies. Although the words came out of my mouth, I wanted this moment to last forever. I knew it wouldn't, but I won't stop wanting this. I still grabbed onto his arm firmly.

He slowly pulled my arms away and let go of me.

I felt a sudden rush of loneliness in my stomach and it hit me hard. That warm feeling was gone.

He turned to leave the room.

"Sasuke-kun."

He stopped and turned around slightly. He didn't say anything.

"Do you remember what I said to you five years ago?"

"No."

"I promised that I would help you. No matter what. As long as I was by your side, I would do whatever you wanted me to do."

There was a long drawn out silence. I was gathering the words in my head. He stood there, his face veiled by darkness. I wanted to know what he was thinking.

"I'm not the kind of person to back out of promises."

He didn't say anything but proceeded to walk out of the room.

But he didn't close the door.

* * *

I decided to go and look around. It wasn't before long that I had met the woman who had given me a tray of food.

She had bright red hair and clothes that were well fitted to her lean muscular body. Her hair was straight on the left side of her face, and choppy and razored on the right side. I thought it was an unusual hairstyle. I couldn't really talk though; my unusual hair colour often was the subject of weird looks and strange presumptions and guesswork.

I didn't like her. I don't know why, but maybe it was because I had heard her address Sasuke as 'Sasuke-kun'.

"So, you're _her_."

She had a deep, almost rough yet subtly refined voice. She had this sassy edge to it, the "don't talk bullshit with me" type of voice.

"My name's Sakura."

"I'm Karin."

There was a long silence. We just stood there. I didn't know what to say to her. I knew she had been with Sasuke since he killed Orochimaru. He was using her. Or that's what I told myself. He didn't have any feelings for her. He didn't.

He didn't.

He can't.

"I have to go and get ready." Karin said coolly, and walked straight past me.

I frowned. There was a feeling building up inside me. I hadn't felt such a feeling in almost 6 years. It was the feeling of rivalry, the same I had with Ino when we were first Genin. But there was something different, a bitter feeling. The big green monster was rising in the pit of my stomach, uncontrollable emotions gurgling away before erupting.

Jealousy.

* * *

I kept walking, only the echoes of my footsteps made me feel vaguely awake and human. A part of myself denied what I was really looking for was Sasuke, but deep down I knew what I wanted. Another part of myself said that I was collecting intelligence on Orochimaru's base. For some strange reason, I didn't see Kabuto, nor felt Orochimaru's presence. Maybe they were elsewhere.

I ran my fingertips across the walls as I walked. At least I could feel something. I wasn't dreaming. I wasn't in a nightmare. I reached a heavy door after a few minutes of walking. I hadn't bothered opening every single door; most were just plain doors with no secrets.

This heavy wooden door, to me, felt like it held a secret. A secret that couldn't be told. I twisted the heavy iron ring that was the door knob and was greeted by clashes of metal.

A huge boulder in the middle of the room with targets scattered everywhere. In a blur, kunai were being thrown and solid thuks confirmed their perfect target. I walked off to the side amazed.

However, there was a clatter as a Kunai hit the rock and tumbled to the ground. Sasuke was standing on top of the rock, his face a blank canvas. He was staring at the kunai.

His eyes triggered fear in me. I had never seen such intensity in his eyes. He averted his gaze to lock onto me, and I realised where I was.

I opened my mouth to apologise, but I found his mouth pressed hotly against it. His body, sweaty and half naked was pressed against mine in the most erotic manner. I couldn't help but let out a tiny moan. I could taste the pain and bitterness in that kiss. His hand managed his way to my hair, pulling it firmly in frustration, but it wasn't enough to hurt me. I put my hands on his sides. He was pure muscle.

Years ago, physical touch was something forbidden where Sasuke was concerned. I knew he drowned himself in anger and darkness when he was reminded of his failure. Now, he was taking it out through physical touch. Venting out his frustrations in this kiss.

I felt dizzy and out of breath. He pulled away and stepped back. He shifted his attention to the stray kunai. He turned away.

I realised that, he must have vented in similar ways before too. Wouldn't he?

After all, his hormones…

I don't want to think about it. The thought that he might have… that woman! Images flashed through my mind. I didn't want to see them. It made me feel sick.

"I don't understand you. Why?"

He stopped for a brief moment, but started to walk away again.

"Why are walking away?" I said, "Why are you walking away _again_? Am I not good enough for you? Why can't you see me for what I am now? Don't walk away!"

I was yelling by the end of it. But he walked away still.

* * *

_You mean too much to me._

_Why aren't you leaving? _

_I hurt you too much. You staying here, would only mean I'd hurt you more._

_If there was any way of saving you from the darkness, would be pushing you away. _

_If you knew any better, you'd stay away from me. I can't guarantee I can keep my self control for long around you. _

Starinity: _Please review~_


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